The Butterfly In Me

I am a walking paradox. I lead a multiple-life as a corporate whore, an activist and a woman living with HIV. I love butterfly, not only because it is a delicately beautiful creature that is full of vulnerability; but mainly because it is a symbol of transformation and hidden power – a living proof that something rather ugly, disgusting and poisonous can actually be transformed into the most beautiful creature. On top of that, its delicate and rather vulnerable wings can cause a tsunami on the other side of the world, famously called as The Butterfly Effect. I wish this creature reflects myself and my determinations in life. That I was once an ugly little girl who can eventually transform herself to something more worth-having and worth-keeping. That I am delicate and vulnerably weird, but I hope my little wings of passion are powerful enough to create The Butterfly Effect that results on changes in this God’s forsaken place called “the world”.

I see life as a series of choice; that how you live your life depends on what you choose. If you choose to be happy and successful, then you will be. If you choose to be pessimistic and failing, then that is what you’re going to get. I love the smell of the ground and the grass after the rain. I love watching the rain falls and pretend that the mist is actually the curtain that takes me to Utopia. I love anything with the smell of lavender, lily, magnolia and rose. I find serenity in the hot tub full of bubble and always wish that the bubble will never be gone until I finish.

I am often misunderstood and misread by others. I came across very confident, strong and stubborn, but deep down inside I am a little girl who needs to cuddle, snuggle, be loved and holding hands just to feel secure. I admire old buildings and always pretend that I was once living in a big castle. I am generally witty and sweet, but you don’t want to see the bitchy side of me. I love all Paulo Coelho’s books and my idol is Ernesto (Che) Guevara ~ for his strong-will, passion, determination, leadership and sense of struggle.

“It’s not who I am underneath, it’s what I do that defines me…” ~ Bruce Wayne in Batman Begins

My own interpretation of the quote above is:

“I am not defined by the virus in me, but by my passions and contributions to everything that I do wholeheartedly...”




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